Been hoping that things will improve and clarify itself as times go by... One should not have expectations, if not, disappointments will come for sure... Just let things go by themselves and take things as it is...
I've thought that I've learnt something from previous experiences and will be able to handle things better now. However, I've found out that it' not really the case. When you try to treat something with extra care mindfully, it may not turn out to be well too. Sometimes, that human efforts really can't change things and we can only watch it goes on its way. Impermanence - ever changing for the better or worse...
Is it because of ego that we suffer? Yes... Is it because of cravings or attachment that we suffer? Yes... Is it because of hatred that we suffer? Yes...
Dharma are not outside our experience, they are, in fact reflections of our actual experience. I know that if one just indulge in our memories, views and opinions, then we will always be stuck in the world and never transcend in any way. However, it's not easy to do...
It seems to me that you are still trying to escape from it all, can I do the same too?
I do not know that for all these times, have my words been of any importance to you... Thou you said so... Do you really have the faith and trust in me and you yourself? Am I liked the one whom others have mentioned to you? Someone who needs your attention? Someone who's trying to control things and people? Someone who's not trusting you? and among others?
Me, being a human being, is only a normal human being as of now... Even though I've been trying very hard to improve myself and to practice well every time. However, that doesn't mean that I'm someone who can transcend so easily in a snap of fingers... If so, I wun be here and be like this now... Just asking me to practice is not much use one, I do know the importance of practice, no doubts about that... You bear to do this yo?
While I'm trying not to have expectations on people, but people all around me are having all kinds of expectations on me, even you ba... They'll expect that I can perform miracles, I'll work things out sooner or later., that I'll be able to go thru all the tough times just like that... Do you know that I've been trying very hard already? I've been pushing myself dunno since when... I've been trying to be as positive as I can, as mindful as I can, as considerate as I can, as caring as I can... Can you see those thru the mist of all the conflicts? Do you think that since I'm someone who try to practice so I should be left aside and let me recuperate just like that? Or you have so much faith in me that I'll be fine very fast yah... haha... Am I not just another sentient being who need understanding and compassion too?
I'm confuse, i really dun understand... Been trying to reflect to find the answer, but still cant... Been trying to stable myself internally and externally... thought that i'm better already, but in fact, still not better yet...
I've been very understanding and considerate already... Even my fren said that i'm too considerate already... to an extent which i cant manage, coz i cant let the feelings and emotions out... I've been suppressing my feelings and all, even Shifu said it's not good and need to let it out, in a proper way thou...
Honestly, during this period, i've experienced fear, uncertainty, disappointment, sadness, confusion, anger, etc... I do not want them, i just hope to let them pass asap...
Do you really meant what you said earlier? You're feeling very sad and all? Why would you feel so sad when it's you who've made this choice and someone is taking care of u in the mean time too? I must have been a bad "care-taker" den, haha... Communication, trust, patience and understanding were just what we needed to clear things out.
When all I wanted was just a simple meet-up to update each other and to talk talk only, then you thought that i dun trust you.
Suffering is not to be suffered, but to be understood. If there's no need for such situation to happen, why would you want to throw yourself into it. Suffering is to be embrace and accept with ease and not trying to escape from it... Even if you can escaped for now, do you think that you can escape everytime? It'll come back again and again, until you finally know how to deal with it properly.
Till now, I really dun understand, I'm sorry, I'm doing my best already...
Sometimes, things are not what you see on the surface. Can you understand? Try listening to the hearts ba... If I've not been sensitive enough, I'm very sorry... Me too, am caught up wif all the things too...
