reflecting... again....

recently...

....All sort of emotions and thoughts are coming in and out.... rise and fall... again and again...

sadness...

anger...

disappointment...

concern...

remorse...

unhappiness...

guilt...

anticipation...

peace...

loneliness...

jealousy...

nervousness...

frustration...

joy...

nostalgia...

pain...

pity...

sympathy...

worry...

etc....u just name it.....

it's the 1st time in my life which I can vividly feel so many of these emotions so strongly at a short period of time.

I keep telling myself to maintain positive mind-state at all times, don't fall trap to my defilements and weakness of the mind. Trying hard to listen to what Shifu told me and practice what she said, but they still keep coming back...

after the rise and fall of an emotion, another one rises again... I've got no time to rest, even the same one will rise for more than 1 time...

Just watch them, you said... i'm watching...

Been reading up to look for advices...
Been trying to chant and meditate more...
Been trying to talk to the Buddha...
etc...
etc...

I'm trying to transform them into positive emotions whenever I can. I want to find my true nature, open my heart once again and be able to feel the love and compassion for all sentient beings...

I want to clear ALL my negative emotions inside me, which are "killing" me... I dun wan any anger or grudges towards anybody... I really dun like tat...

I wonder.. Am I normal?
Do people do such things when they faced with tough times?

I cant still let it go....
I don't want all of them!
I want to let it go...

I want to get out and be free!!

Let me be free... ....

Can anyone understand?
Can you understand?

It's not easy... not easy...
...haha...

Jiayou ba...