mixed feelings...

It've been some time since the last the post. Many things took place during this time...

- moved to school hostel (RVR)

- some happenings at home (mom, bro, grandmom...)

- stepping down from the mc

- having "misundersatndings" with frens (don't understand how come it've become like that)

- built some bonds that I've never been able to last time

- rushing prof works (still doing :( )

- consolidating thots

- settling down in a new environment

Now i know that it's really not easy to settle in a new environment alone. Sometimes, the feeling of loneliness could caught me off guarded. Wanna say many thanks to my fren who accompany me during that 1st few weeks. She really helped me alot.

Recently, there are some stuffs that I dun really understand how it've turned out to be liked that. I've wondered whether I've done something towards somebody unmindfully and created an opening for misunderstanding.

Things in life are really ever-changing...

Now you see this, now you don't. Things happened that caught you unaware, until you can see that something is not very right. People, events could changed just due to a mere difference in ideologies and suggestions. Who's rite and wrong in the end? No one, people would just get hurt in the end without proper understanding about each other.

Having mixed feelngs before and after stepping down. Really doesn't know what to make out of them. It seems like there's no place to reconcile them.

:: Present ::

‘Do not pursue the past.
Do not lose yourself in the future.
The past no longer is.
The future has not yet come.

Looking deeply at life as it is
in the very here and now,
the practitioner dwells
in stability and freedom.

We must be diligent today.

To wait until tomorrow is too late.
Death comes unexpectedly.
How can we bargain with it?

The sage calls a person who knows
how to dwell in mindfulness
night and day
‘one who knows
the better way to live alone.’

Adapted from the Bhaddekaratta Sutta, translated by Thich Nhat Hanh

:: Loving kindness, forgiveness ::

Here's something which I came across recently, which I found really inspiring and it touches my heart. Forgiveness and kindness towards others, and especially towards oneself are sometimes very hard to be practiced upon.

Are there really someone out there that you can't forgive and love? When we think about it with an open heart, do we really bear it not to forgive someone who might have done so much for us in one way or another in some parts of our life? Someone who have shown us kindness no matter how insignificant it is, we can't rebut that it doesn't matter to us...

Think about their kindness....
...when you're going school in the dawn when you're young, the bus driver have to wake up so much earlier to fetch you to school...
...when you fall down, your parents, siblings, friends who've been there for you, no matter how short the duration might be...
...when you're sick, the doctor and nurses whom you've consulted...
...when you're taking your meals - the rice in your bowls, from the ever-hardworking farmers in the fields... ...when you're feeling hot in the afternoon, there's wind to relief you - mother earth's at work...
...when you do poorly for your papers, who were there to help in your revision...
...when you are lost and do not know what to do, who were there to guide you...
...when you are walking the park, who are there chirping to keep you accompany...
... etc ...

Our life journey is full of ups and downs. One meets with different people at different points in one's life. When the conditions are no longer there, things and situations changes, that's the beauty of Impermanence, as nothing stays the same forever... There are always surprises and new learning experiences waiting for us with every step we take. Is spending the precious time that one have now on hating, disliking, slandering, complaining, picking, wailing about something, someone worth while?

:: It's possible to free the heart ::
The words of the Buddha offer this truth:

~ Hatred never ceases by hatred
but by love alone is healed.
This is the ancient and eternal law. ~

If we look at ourselves truthfully, we can feel the possibility of being more compassionate, more awake, more free.

~ If it were not possible to free the heart

from entanglement in greed, hate and fear,
I would not teach you to do so. ~
- the Buddha

Anger, blame, conflict and resentment arise from our fear.
When we are afraid, our body tightens, our heart is constricted, our mind is possessed.
We cannot live wisely.
Forgiveness releases us from the power of fear.
It allows us to see with kindly eyes and rest in a wise heart.

~Live in joy, in love, even among those who hate.
Live in joy, in health, even among the afflicted.
Live in joy, in peace, even among the troubled.
Look within, be still.
Free from fear and attachment,
know the sweet joy of the way. ~
- the Buddha
[ The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness and Peace (Jack Kornfield) ]

::

Be brave and move on with positive vibes and have faith that all things will turn out to be better.
I've always believe that "Everything happens for the bEst".

sometimes....

sometimes,

we really do not have to explain things too much,
just let things stay in That way, maybe it's much much better...

Does it really matter whether you've explained?
Does it really matter that no one can understand?
Does it really matter on what was said?

Does it really matter?

Things in between people are so fragile...
even between sisters, friends, etc...

Can you say that it's due to miscommunication?
or it's about trust and understanding?

everyone is with their own views and thoughts,
who can really see thru them and see things as they really are?
do you think that hurting people is one's initial intention?
i really dun think so...
will 'sorries' help?

talking too much is useless, let's prove thru' actions then...

however, since it's already like tat...
maybe it really doesn't matter..

be brave, accept them...

你知道吗？

::

最近，觉得自己好像迷失了...

不知自己到底要什么

不知自己为了什么而在做这些事

不知自己的心在那里

不知自己的目标在那里

好像在个高压室内

彷徨了一阵，终于决定了

现在，觉得心较自在了

虽然能看清某些事情

但还是得多加努力保持欢喜心、平常心

其实，

我还是跟以前一样

耐心地做着我能做的事

无论是，

为家人

为你

还是为其他众生

我相信只要持着坚定的信念、正见与勇气

一定行的...

嗯，难行能行、难忍能忍、难舍能舍...

要加油咯～

大家要幸福呀～

::

sOmetimEs when we Touch...

:: ::

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

:: ::

：： 感恩善友 ：：

园缘圈

词 曲： 黄 康 淇

* 手 牵 着 手 我 们 共 围 个 圈

(Hands holding hands, we form a circle)

圈 中 有 圈 牵 着 我 们 的 心

(Circle within circle, we thread our hearts together)

心 牵 着 心 我 们 共 画 个 圈

(Hearts to hearts, we form a circle)

圈 中 有 圈 为 生 命 画 圆*

(Circle within circle, we draw a circle of life)

** Chorus

相 聚 是 缘 完 美 是 圆

(Our reunion today is a condition, a completeness that is all-rounded)

让 我 们 的 缘 能 变 得 更 圆

(Let our conditions become more complete)

让 我 们 感 谢 父 母 恩 情 让 我 们 圆 缘

(Let us give thanks to our parents’ sacrificial love to allow us to have such wonderful condition)

惜 缘 是 圆 一 切 随 缘

(To cherish every condition is to be complete, just like all things take on its natural course)

当 你 遇 到 挫 折 切 莫 忘 记

(When you meet up with problems, please don’t forget)

我 们 彼 此 还 拥 有 这 份 最 圆 的 缘

(That we all still hold this most complete condition)

当岁 月 在 考 验 我 们 记 得 为 彼 此 画 圈

(When there are times that seem to test on us, may we remember to complete each other)

把 彼 此 的 圈 画 得 更 圆 圈 着 彼 此 的 缘

(By supporting each other in making their condition better, for we are linked to each other)

当时的你

当时的你，与现在较不同。

我记得当时的你。。。

脸上会带着

傻笑，

幸福的微笑，

满足的微笑，

天真的微笑，

感恩的微笑。。。

就是那种纯纯的微笑，让人看了忍不住会心一笑，心里也会变得暖暖的。

虽然，有时也会有些令你烦恼与头痛的事出现。

你的眉头会皱起，

但脸上绝不会完全失去那笑容，那是你让人目光离不开的时刻。

那坚强的意志与不认输的精神，不知我该说是执著还是...

你会搅尽脑汁来试着解决问题，但有时还是自然就好，

所谓“船到桥头自然直”嘛，你的问题一定能迎刃而解，以后就别多担心咯。

多想念那时的你呀

脸上的笑容，

细心的举动，

为家人着想的体贴。。。

当然，无常嘛，但我觉得有些东西还是值得保留的。。。

现在，

我很少再见到那笑容了。

里面掺了不少忧郁，烦恼，痛苦，迷惘。。。

真希望你能重新站起来，能寻回你以前所失去的乐源，走往快乐的源头，远离烦恼，坚守正道。

可能，最近你过的还不错。那就好，继续加油呀。

嗯，自然点，随缘点。。。

这世上似乎没什么是值得我们这么紧紧抓住的，他们迟早都会离去而显得不那么重要了。。。

那什么才是重要的呢？这可要想想了咯。

哈哈，写了这些，只是有点感触咯。

就希望，

你能找回那时那纯纯的笑容，

你与你所爱的人都能幸福，快乐，远离烦恼与痛苦的根源，福慧双修。

"困境总在信念面前微不足道...

小小的迈着细碎的步伐，只要肯不停的走，一样是可以行上千里地的。"

无所谓

...我想，对于有些事，我或许可以开始无所谓...

也许这样，会比较好吧...

你说呢？

[ 狡 童 ]

"彼狡童兮，不与我言兮。维子之故，使我不能餐兮。
彼狡童兮，不与我食兮。维子之故，使我不能息兮。"

::
在翻阅诗经时瞄到这首诗, 而读了之后认为,这是一首很有意思的诗呢.
但要看在什么意境了, 因为它所带的些含意正中在下之意.
::